A Journey of Choice: Reflecting on Letting Go

Today, I find myself immersed in a tumultuous sea of emotions as I reflect on a decision I made—a decision not to participate in the Miss Gay USofA Newcomer pageant. It's an experience that has been a part of my life for years, and now, not attending feels both liberating and agonizing. In this deeply personal and reflective journal entry, I want to explore the power of choosing not to do something, while allowing myself to feel the pain and hurt that comes with it.

Choosing to step back from an endeavor that once held great significance brings forth a cascade of emotions. It's essential to acknowledge the weight of these emotions, for they hold a profound truth within them. By choosing to feel deeply, I open myself up to a path of self-discovery and growth.

The Miss Gay USofA Newcomer pageant has been a pillar in my life, an event I looked forward to with both excitement and nerves. It was a place where I could showcase my talent, my presence, and my identity. But this year, something else needed my attention, urging me to take a step back, to reassess, and to redefine my journey.

I had expected a sense of relief, a feeling of liberation in not attending, but what I encountered was far more complex. A wave of sadness washed over me, as if a cherished part of my identity was slipping away. It was a strange and unexpected challenge—one that demanded introspection and deep contemplation.

As I grappled with the conflicting emotions swirling within me, I realized the importance of self-reflection. I needed to honor the memories and experiences I had gained from the pageant, while also acknowledging the necessity of this new chapter in my life. The decision to let go was not an easy one, but it was an essential part of my personal evolution.

Allowing myself to feel the pain, the hurt, and even the longing became an act of courage and vulnerability. Society often discourages us from fully experiencing our emotions, deeming them as weaknesses. But through this process, I discovered the inherent beauty and strength that lies within feeling deeply.

Every day, we face choices that shape our lives, and sometimes, those choices require us to let go of something we hold dear. It is in those moments that our resilience shines through. It is through feeling the ache of not doing something that we truly appreciate our own capacity for growth and transformation.

In this journey of choice and emotion, I realized that by embracing my vulnerability and acknowledging the ache within me, I was on the path towards healing and self-discovery. It was not a linear process, but rather a winding road of introspection and self-compassion.

Throughout this process, I've come to understand the importance of embracing our emotions. Our feelings are not meant to be suppressed or dismissed; they are powerful messengers, guiding us towards authenticity and personal truth. By allowing ourselves to sit with the pain and hurt that accompanies our choices, we open doors to healing and self-acceptance.

Today, as I reflect on the Miss Gay USofA Newcomer pageant, I do so with a mix of gratitude, nostalgia, and hope. Gratitude for the experiences and memories it has given me, nostalgia for the friendships and connections formed on that stage, and hope for the future, as I embark on a new journey of self-discovery and growth.

To all those who find themselves faced with a similar crossroad, I offer these words of encouragement: it is okay to choose not to do something, even if it evokes pain. It is okay to honor your emotions and give them the space they deserve. In doing so, you honor your journey and nurture your capacity for resilience and personal evolution.

As I continue on my path, I will carry the lessons learned from the Miss Gay USofA Newcomer pageant with me. It has taught me the importance of following my intuition, of embracing the full spectrum of my emotions, and of staying true to myself even in the face of uncertainty.

In the end, it is through the power of choice and the depth of our emotions that we truly discover who we are and what truly matters to us. So, let us not be afraid to feel, to choose, and to grow.

Winning Miss Gay Colorado USofA Newcomer 2018

Winning Miss Gay New Mexico USofA Newcomer 2019-2022